My appologies for the long hiatus

I'm sorry for the long hiatus I gave myself. Last semester was absolutely terrible for me, and I cut writing out to compensate for the rising need to complete homework. I will start writing again this semester due to the lack of English related class in my schedule (compensation for a lack of love :]) and will be continuing the story I neglected in the last post. Without further delay, I present to you, The first day back at school.


“Damn that girl, does she think school starts when she’s good and ready for it?” Kaminari Shouichi grumbled as he marched up the stairs.

He opened the door with soft surprise, as he looked at his daughter dressed for school, gazing out the window. He sighed as he cleared his throat, alerting his daughter to his presence.

“Hotori, isn’t it time for school yet? You’ll be late if you don’t leave soon” My father said with a smile.

“I know, I’ll leave soon, I’m just watching the clouds…” I muttered

He walked up to me, smiling, as he stretched out his hands and straightened the bow of my uniform.

“You’re just like your mother sometimes… There were times when even her mind was secluded to me. But looking at you now, I’m proud. You’re on your way to school, you’re moving through life.” He whispered, giving me a short hug before leaving the room.

`I know father… I’m trying to live now, but it’s so empty, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore’ I think to myself, as I gather my keys, my bag and my riding gear.

The roar of the engine wakes me from my slumber. It’s always been a comfort to hear it, a strong and powerful voice. With my body suit on, I crack the zipper a bit, and I slip the helmet over my hair. It’s gotten long as of late, and my father seems to like it, so it doesn’t bother me. I rev the engine, hearing the sound blast through the garage door. I lose myself in thought as the door opens, and the morning sun peaks through the bottom. I speed off, the feeling of the sudden jolt as I release the brakes and skid out to the main street causing my heart to speed up. Streets blur, and people disappear as I rush through lights, by cars, through the town that’s confined me. Before I knew it, I found myself at Tohka’s front gates, the “Grandiose” senior high school that so many aspire to gain entrance. I don’t quite know myself, just how I got in, but I’m here and that’s all that matters to my father.

“All rise! Salute the teacher!”

“Sensei. Ohayo Gozaimasu!”

“Class, you may be seated”

The teacher straightens his tie, clearing his throat before continuing on.

“Class, I just want to congratulate you on your acceptance into to Tohka. Our staff expects great things from all of you. After all, our school would not be considered one of the best in the country if our students didn’t work equally as hard as the teachers here. Please continue looking to the future, and working hard to obtain your dreams!” The teacher smiles before pulling out his lesson plans for the day.

Most of the teacher’s speech, however, flew right over my head. My gaze was locked out on the vast front gates that housed my precious bike. The windows in the classroom were slightly ajar, allowing the soft, warm breeze to compliment the sun blazing in the sky. I sighed before turning to the board, trying to catch up to the current lesson plan.

`Today would have been a perfect day for a ride’ I thought to myself, as I mindlessly copied the notes word for word. I glance around for second, taking in the faces of these people I’m supposed to call my “peers”.

`Ordinary people as far as the eye can see… and it’s not even that far, trapped in this bird cage…’ I mentally sigh, turning back to the sky just beyond the glass bars.

I lose track of time, and before I know it, I hear the bell ringing in the distance. As I close my notebooks and set everything back into my bag, I feel a pair of eyes on me. I turn around, looking from person to person, only to have the feeling disappear completely. I shake it off, `I must be hungry or something’.

Whoever said “Birds of a feather, flock together” was obviously a psycho. This was one of the thoughts that pervaded my mind as I made my way to the roof for a quiet lunch. Upon opening the door, I was greeted by the sight of a boy’s back, sitting towards the edge of the building, looking over the school as a whole. In mid bite, he decided to turn his head and address the disturbance. His eyes opened wide, and the sandwich hanging from his mouth decided to drop onto his lap.

`Cute…’ I snorted.

“Eh, Hiya? Name’s Shinji, Yamamoto Shinji, what’s yours?” He grinned, picking his lunch up off of his lap.

“Kaminari, Kaminari Hotori” I stated, taking a seat away from “Shinji” along the opposite wall.

As far as first impressions go, the both of us could have done better. As I sat against the wall, I could hear him cursing as he desperately tried to prevent the condiments from his sandwich from staining his uniform. I drift out to the clouds as I snacked on my lunch. The food never really interested me, but I ate to stay awake. I peeked over the side of the building at the many students who ate near the courtyard. I could hear them as they passed the front gates looking at the motorbike that was parked out in front. I giggled as I found myself asking if anyone had ever seen a motorcycle before.

“Well how many students do you expect know how to drive a car, much less ride a motorcycle? We’re barley of age you know? Is that yours?” I jumped as I heard a voice behind me. Glaring hard, I turned to see a smiling Shinji, looking out at the bike as well.

“Well, they shouldn’t act like country bumpkins then, it’ll bring “shame” on our school” I muttered, turning back to gazing longingly at my bike.

“Haha, if I wasn’t any smarter, I would’ve actually believed that you bought into Sensei’s speech. You certainly looked like you were gonna cry, but I think out of boredom rather than sentimentality.” He grinned.

“Look, you don’t know a thing about me. Yeah, I was bored as hell, doesn’t mean I don’t want to do well in school. The only thing outta life I want, I can’t have.” I growled, never turning away from the courtyard.

“Whoa, I’m sorry if I offended you. Didn’t mean any harm out of it. After all, the “girl who rode like the wind” is the talk of the school right now. She’s enrolled in a certain 2-B classroom meaning she’s pretty damn smart, and was rumored to be stunningly beautiful. I figured I would…” He began.

“Try to pick her up? Nice try, but I don’t know who you’re talking about, nor do I respond well to any attempts at “picking up”.” I drawled out, rolling my eyes. I heard him shuffle to the spot next to me.

“Well, I don’t “pick up” girls. I merely talk to ones who are interesting. After all, how can I forget what I saw this morning? I saw you pulling off that suit you keep tucked in your bag over there, and watched you trot off to class.” He said, leaning his chin against the edge of the building.

“Well it’s not like it’s a secret you know…” I began.

The bell suddenly chimed, signaling the end of lunch. I grabbed my things, and headed for the door, only to see Shinji as he held it open. Bowing my thanks as an obligation, I headed down the stairs as fast as I could to avoid more conversation with him. I knew in the back of my mind he meant well, but I shook that from my mind as I headed back to the classroom. As I dumped my things next to my seat, I looked around, and knew why I had felt eyes on me this morning. “Shinji” was a fellow classmate who had his seat directly behind me. He grinned as he began pulling out his books and writing utensils.

“I hope you had a good lunch class, let’s get back to where we left off…” Sensei began as I drifted back into my rhythm.

I found out by the end of the day, many of the students were actually quite dedicated to their studies. When I could spare it, I glanced around the classroom and found all of them, staring intensely at the board, feverishly writing down formulas and historical dates. I felt a little guilt in my stomach knowing I wasn’t trying half as hard as some of these students, so I got back to focusing on the subject at hand.

`Just like my entrance exams’ I told myself, as I stopped the filter that drowned out the sound of the teacher’s voice.

The day ended with a bow, as the teacher exited the classroom. I felt the sun setting and the air beginning to cool. Figuring I should make some sense of the notes I mindlessly took earlier, I made my way to the library.

`If only I knew where the library was’ I sighed, wandering to the general area of a large building. I paused to ask a couple of girls, who confirmed with a, “Near the martial arts hall”, I slowly made my way over to the library.

`Well at least father would be happy to know I’m studying rather than “gallivanting” on my bike all day’ I sighed. My concentration was broken as the sound of pounding feet, and yells reached my ears. I spied the entrance to the “martial arts hall” and peeked inside. I watched as fifteen or so students yelled out the names of katas as they performed them in synch for the instructor. I could feel my eyebrow peek up as I spied a familiar face.

`So Shinji does Karate does he? Maybe he’s more durable than I thought’ I found myself glancing him down, finally taking in his features and his stature. Short spiky hair and a stern concentrated face occupied my mind. His wiry frame flew across the floor in a frenzy, barely finishing a series of complicated blocks and parries with a smooth round house. His head bowed as he let out a loud yell to signal the end of his movement, his hand reached up to scratch the back of his head as the man who I assumed to be the “Sensei” came over to give him comments and encouragement. I snickered, making my way to the library as the memories of the last time I was in a Dojo, under the study of a master. I felt a slow fire course through my veins as I recalled memories of my brother taking me to see our Master. We both studied, and laughed together as we got hit by our Master for failing or not paying enough attention. Our Master was also the first person to talk to my father and I after my brother’s passing. It was his first and last hug that he gave me, before he, for the next few years, proceeded to kick me back to normal.

`And those kicks hurt too…’ I found myself sharing a sad smile. My Master had given me a final lesson before I obtained mastery.

“Hotori, I know you’re still carrying the weight of your brother’s death on your shoulders. I am as well, but whether it’s on our journey, or in a fight, that weight can be as effective in our defeat as a lack of discipline, or focus. I won’t tell you to forget about him, but I want you to know that the longer your eyes, your soul stays dead, the more your brother is crying out for you. He wouldn’t want you t o remember his absence, but remember his attendance and his dedication to your family. Please take care of yourself when you leave this Dojo. You will always be welcome, for you and your brother are family, sons and daughters to this place”

I settled down at a table basking in what little sunlight was left. I brought out my books, and found myself slowly lost in the sea of information until the sound of the librarian calling out the closing of the school. I was ushered out into the front courtyard, where I quickly located my bike. Night came quickly, and I found myself wondering if Father was worrying over my absence. I quickly adorned my suit, remembered to crack the zipper just a little bit before kick starting the engine, and revving it to life. I found myself grinning, letting the roar encompass me. Flicking on the front lights, I made my way back home.

As expected, Father was waiting on the porch, tapping his foot, with a stern look on his face.

“Where were you?! You neither called, nor answered my calls, and its dinner time!” He growled, rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Wait, you called me?” I asked, checking my phone. Sure enough, I found several missed calls littering various times from the end of school to now. I felt my cheeks heat up, never remembering feeling the phone from my bag signal his call. His arms were still crossed, still expecting and answer.

“Sorry Father, I wasn’t riding anywhere. I was studying in the library until it closed, I didn’t know you had called. I never felt the phone go off in my bag. Sorry…” I said bowing my head. Father was the last one who needed more stress, I felt ashamed.

“Were you really…?” His face creased out of a frown. Shock was evident in his expression.

“That’s mean Father. I made it into Tohka, so that means I have to give it one hundred percent right?” I sighed, a little disappointed at his surprise.
Father’s brow snapped back together, and his lips curved up into a grin.

“Given your previous track record, I believe some of my surprise was warranted.” He chuckled as I feigned hurt. He put his arm around my shoulders and we both walked to the inviting smell of a home cooked meal.

Seated across from Father, we ate as we shared our experiences from the day. I wouldn’t say our relationship was bad or awkward. But I know we both wish we could laugh and talk as a family once again. He recited a story of his student coming down to the front of his lecture hall to answer a question, only to miss the last step off of the stairs and end up with his butt in the air. I giggled and in turn told him about Shinji.

“Sounds like an interesting boy, if he can put up with that racket that your brother’s bike makes.” He grinned.

“Father, brother’s bike doesn’t make “racket”, its music to some people, like a heartbeat.” I said knowingly.

“Well, if that’s the case, then I guess some people must like hearing nails on a chalk board too.” He laughed, his laughter echoing in the house.

“Hmph, you’re insatiable Father.” I fake pouted, turning away slightly.

“Ah, sorry, sorry. You’re right, this Shinji is a martial artist you said? Do you still remember what you learned from your Master?” He asked, quickly changing the subject.

“Oh, I suppose so… He looked concentrated and focused, but he also had a smile on his face, like he was enjoying it.” I said thoughtfully, my spoon pausing in front of my mouth.

“That’s interesting, well, in any case, it sounds like you’re doing ok in school.” He said, turning away from the table to begin washing the dishes.

“Thank you for the meal Father” I said, drifting upstairs after depositing my plate into the sink.
“No problem, be sure to take a bath before you go to bed.” He said, switching on the television placed next to the sink, a very young news anchor foretelling the week’s weather.

I was as much of a nighttime person as I was a morning person, which it so happens to be, that I hate both. It always starts the same, staring off into the black shadows that dance across my ceiling. Sleep never comes willingly, and I feel like I’ll always be dragged to and from that horrid world for the rest of my days.

`You’re lying! He can’t be dead! BROTHER CAN’T BE DEAD’

`Stop this! HOTORI, WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?’

`Hotori, he wouldn’t want you to remember his absence…’

“Stop it…”

`Brother… Why’d you leave…? Was it my fault?”

`It’s hard for me too… We’re the only ones left Hotori…’

“Stop it”

It’s raining, and the hospital buzzes around me, annoying chatter that no child could comprehend

`Is he alright?! Will my boy make it?!’

`I’m sorry sir… When we brought him after the accident, he was already diagnosed as JCS 2, and since then his situation has only deteriorated…”

“STOP IT!!”

I sat up with a jolt, rasping as my chest rose frantically.
No matter what happened, no matter how much I tried to forget, every night without fail, these nightmares would plague me into the wee hours of the morning. I still can’t shake the memories of sitting in that hospital, unable to understand anything about what had happened. I now knew that when they had brought my brother in, he had already been pronounced “lost”. I wiped the cold sweat from my face as I felt my pulse go back to normal.

`Will I always have to put up nights like these? Haunted by these thoughts, these memories…’ I sighed as I drew the blanket closer to my chest. I cast one more look to the outside to the distant hills covered by a blanket of stars, before slowly, falling back to sleep.